it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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