I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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