sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
