You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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