My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
