Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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