Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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