Duck Duck Cougar?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
