Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
