He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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