I'm really into asian looking animals
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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