so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
