just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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