last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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