I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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