They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
