if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
