Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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