no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize