Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
