God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
