I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
