Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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