I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You can't just leave with hair like that
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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