Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
