is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
