This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
