You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
