you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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