lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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