You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
