I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize