my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
