i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
