I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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