His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
did you just send me my own nude
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
