he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
