The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
