I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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