I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
