he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
