i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
