My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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