Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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