when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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