You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize