My liver just broke up with me...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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