Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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