I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The struggles of a small town man whore
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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