Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
