how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
a search helicopter?!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
