Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
