There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
