I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
