Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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