why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
