You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
