if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
