eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
