Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize