So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
